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Observations, Reviews, Commentary, and Total Fabrications

Elsewhere at Penny Arcade…

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Check out this article Comic: Strategery from Penny Arcade.

New Comic: Strategery

Written by Woodson

September 5th, 2014 at 8:12 am

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Elsewhere at Kotaku…

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Check out this article Batman Patrols The Streets on his RC LEGO Batpod from Kotaku.

Batman Patrols The Streets on his RC LEGO Batpod

Despite its size, builder Sariel‘s remote-controlled LEGO Batpod is quite impressive and full of tiny features.

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Written by Woodson

September 4th, 2014 at 9:55 am

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Elsewhere at Jalopnik…

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Check out this article Here Are The First Official Pics Of The 2016 Mazda Miata from Jalopnik.

Here Are The First Official Pics Of The 2016 Mazda Miata

These come from Mazda’s official Japanese website. I have to say, the 2016 Mazda Miata looks pretty damn good.

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Written by Woodson

September 4th, 2014 at 9:39 am

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Elsewhere at Kotaku…

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Check out this article Meet The Guy Who Spent Seven Months Killing Everyone In Fallout 3 from Kotaku.

Meet The Guy Who Spent Seven Months Killing Everyone In Fallout 3

On January 19th, 2014, Many A True Nerd started a new playthrough of Fallout 3. Not just any playthrough, though: his goal was to eradicate everyone from the capital wasteland.

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Written by Woodson

September 3rd, 2014 at 12:15 pm

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Elsewhere at Kotaku…

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Check out this article Swordfighting, As You See It In The Movies, Is A Lie from Kotaku.

Swordfighting, As You See It In The Movies, Is A Lie

The kind of swordfighting you see in movies and TV shows, where everything is graceful and balletic and entertaining, is fiction. Nobody ever fought like that. The real thing was messy.

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Written by Woodson

September 3rd, 2014 at 11:58 am

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Elsewhere at ThinkGeek – What’s New…

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Check out this article T-Shirts & Apparel : Official Vault-Tec Long-Sleeve Workshirt from ThinkGeek – What’s New.

Become a Vault Specialist today! This button-up shirt gives you a work-friendly apparel option for showing off your love of Fallout. 100% cotton chambray, this long-sleeve shirt in denim blue features an embroidered Vault-Tec logo on left chest and a Vault-Tec woven label on left cuff. $47.99

Written by Woodson

September 3rd, 2014 at 11:14 am

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Elsewhere at Kotaku…

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Check out this article A Fallout MMO That You Can Play Very Soon from Kotaku.

A Fallout MMO That You Can Play Very Soon

Interplay’s Fallout MMO might have been nuked into oblivion
by a lengthy legal battle that Bethesda ultimately won, but that doesn’t mean all hope for massive scale wasteland shenanigans is lost. FOnline: Ashes of Phoenix is a free fanmade Fallout MMO coming next week, and it certainly looks the part.

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Written by Woodson

September 2nd, 2014 at 11:11 am

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Elsewhere at Gizmodo…

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Check out this article ​The Akira Motorcycle Is Real And We Rode It from Gizmodo.

​The Akira Motorcycle Is Real And We Rode It

Tetsuuuo! Kaneda’s bike is real. It’s called the 2015 Honda NM4, it’s on-sale in America, and yesterday, I was one of the first journalists to ride it. Spoiler Alert: It really does feel like it belongs in Neo-Tokyo.

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Written by Woodson

September 2nd, 2014 at 11:10 am

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Elsewhere at io9…

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Check out this article Blue Vampires With Guns Rejoice, Underworld Is Getting A Total Reboot from io9.

Blue Vampires With Guns Rejoice, Underworld Is Getting A Total Reboot

The Underworld movie franchise is getting a reboot. Because vampires doing flips in leather catsuits sell movie tickets, dammit.

THR is reporting that Lakeshore Entertainment is going to reboot the entire Underworld vampire franchise. Probably because they’ve run out of stories for Kate Beckinsale to roundhouse through while shooting silver bullets in a blue filter. Alas.

The films shall start all over under the pen of Cory Goodman, who wrote the 2011 movie Priest, which felt a lot like an Underworld movie in the amount of action to storyline ratio. No doubt the reboot is an attempt to make money off the Underworld name, but I’m curious if people will want anyone but Beckinsale to take on the role of vampire Selene, as she was pretty bad ass. We shall see.

Written by Woodson

September 2nd, 2014 at 11:10 am

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Elsewhere at McSweeney’s…

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Check out this article Best Joke Ever: Mitch Hedberg: Hippie Martian Zen Genius by Mark Peters from McSweeney’s.

I’m still reeling from the death of Robin Williams as I write this draft, so I guess my mind drifted to another comic we lost much too young: Mitch Hedberg.

For some reason, it took me awhile to appreciate Hedberg, but once I tuned in to his unique energy, like so many others, I was hooked. That man was a one-liner factory and a comic treasure: an utterly unique artist who was an expert in making people happy—and making them look at stuff they take for granted in new ways.

Hedberg was a master of questioning everyday things and finding or creating a story about them, usually an absurd one: “I wanted to buy a candleholder, but the store didn’t have one, so I got a cake.” I can never see a certain hotel without thinking of this joke: “I can’t tell you what hotel I’m staying at, but there are two trees involved.” Some of his jokes have a mathematical precision, like this one, which should be part of the kindergarten curriculum: “I like Kit Kats unless I’m with four or more people.” His comparisons are unforgettable: “Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy…all day.” We’ve all heard that alcoholism is a disease, but only Hedberg thought to notice: “…it’s the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.” That should be in the DSM-V.

Hedberg’s demeanor was half his charm, or maybe more than half. So many comics, especially male comics, take residence somewhere in the neighborhood of Asshole City. If you can sit through more than three male comedians at an open mic, your stamina surpasses mine. Hedberg, on the other hand, delivered his jokes with a smile and a bounce, like a hippie elf from Mars who is simply delighted with our weird world of candles and hotels and turtlenecks. When he said, “I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others,” it’s not a mean guy making fun of dumb hair treatments. It’s that hippie Martian elf celebrating the silliness of every damn thing we do.

Writing-wise, Hedberg is most like Steven Wright, who also has an unusual delivery, but one that is pitch black rather than tie-dyed. I wish we could pluck Hedberg out of the space-time continuum and ask him to deliver Wright’s jokes, then ask Wright to deliver Hedberg’s jokes. How much would hit and how much would miss? What would Wright’s gravel do to Hedberg’s lunacy? What would Hedberg’s gleam do to Wright’s lunacy? At the very least, someone should make a Hedberg/Wright comic book. Hey, Archie Andrews once teamed up with the Punisher, so why not?

Anyway, for Hedberg’s Best Joke Ever, I have to go with his escalator joke, which is:

“I like escalators, because an escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. There would never be an “Escalator temporarily out of order” sign, only an “Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”

The beauty of this joke is that it sticks with you forever, objectively making your life better. Once you’ve heard the joke, I defy you to see a broken escalator and not think of it. This is an accomplishment: to write and tell a joke that can get in people’s heads and cheer them up during one of life’s annoying little moments.

I’m far from the first to compare Hedberg’s jokes to Zen koans, but they really are similar in form, and they can serve a similar purpose. As I understand it, a koan is a meditation tool designed to get your mind out of a logical place and wake you up to the world around you. Hedberg’s jokes do the same: I feel like they make my brain work better. They pierce through my daily haze of annoyance with little nuggets of delight. I wish to hell Hedberg had resisted the drugs that killed him, but his jokes are like the best drug ever invented. Maybe laughter really is the best medicine.

Written by Woodson

September 2nd, 2014 at 11:10 am

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